“Could this be any sadder?”

So, no one told you life was gonna be this way. Did you just get an image of people frolicking in a fountain when you read that line? No surprise… That’s the first line of the “Friends” theme song. Late Saturday night news broke that one of the iconic sitcom’s lead actors, Matthew Perry, was found dead in a hot tub outside his home in Los Angeles. He was 54 years old. When the series debuted on NBC in September of 1994, 21 million people tuned in. By comparison, Yellowstone - the hot show of 2023 - gets around 11 million viewers. The audience grew from there, and many of us grew with the cast. I always enjoyed knowing that Matthew Perry was born on close to the same day I was, just like my real-life best friend. I was among the die-hard fans during the show’s initial run, partially because they were living a (fantasy) New York City life much like many of my friends from college at that exact moment in time. Did I have a wardrobe similar to Chandler Bing, Perry’s character? Guilty. Was I prone to adopting his quirky rhythms and catchphrases? Yes. Yes I did. No doubt, he was my favorite friend. Over the years fans learned that Perry was battling ferocious substance abuse issues during the show’s 10 seasons, which he wrote about in his 2022 memoir “Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing”. Although he says he became mostly sober in 2002 (“with about 60 or 70 little mishaps over the years”), the damage was done. 15 stints in rehab. Nearly as many stomach operations. His colon exploded from opioid overuse in 2019. He was given a two per cent chance of survival. Perry managed to beat the odds and pull through. That wasn’t the case this weekend, though. As of this writing, Perry’s cause of death appears to be drowning and no drugs were found on the scene. Given the toll Perry’s addiction took on his body, it’s hard not to think the pills and booze played a role, even if he hadn’t touched either in years. Durning the pandemic I binge-watched all 10 seasons of Friends with my wife. She missed the original run, but like so many others, enjoyed the 90’s nostalgia and the (slightly problematic in retrospect) charm of the series. (Truth be told, in the post-COVID era we both like the 2011 show New Girl better - but I’ll save those reasons for another newsletter!) 54 is not old. Over the past 10 years I have been taken aback by how many of my friends from high school, college and early years in the workforce have died. More than a dozen immediately come to mind. Some had cancer. Hidden medical issues took out a few. Others had addiction issues. All of them were gone too soon. Here’s the big takeaway: Recent statistics indicate that 21 million Americans have at least one addiction. Yes, the same number that tuned in when the show debuted. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) recently reported that nearly 1 in 3 American adults had either a substance use disorder or any mental illness in 2021. Chandler was one… that would mean Monica, Ross, Rachel or Joey could potentially also be struggling. But they’re television characters. “Friends”, but not our actual friends. Think about them. Your friends in real life. Those kind of odds mean addiction issues are hitting home. The pandemic has taken a toll. During his book tour last November, Perry told an interviewer “When I die, I don’t want Friends to be the first thing that’s mentioned.” He said he was going to live the rest of his life helping people work through addiction issues. A friend ‘til the end. The next time you find yourself humming along to the Friends theme song, and get to the line “I’ll be there for you”… go ahead and ask yourself… who might need to hear from you? Then make that call. Now, on with this week’s Ohio EFT Newsletter:

Adult ADHD May Take A Toll On The Brain. Here’s What We Know. by Richard Sima on October 30th, 2023 Adult ADHD is associated with a higher risk for dementia, but medications and lifestyle changes may lower the risk, according to a recent Washington Post article. Teens Want Parents To Track Their Phones And Monitor Their Every Move. by Sam Jones on September 18th, 2023 An upbringing filled with anxiety has Gen Z sharing their location via apps. The Wall Street Journal has more about how this makes teens feel safer. Ohio EFT’s Monthly Google Meet Video Call - Friday November 17th @ 9:00am (EST) by Ohio EFT on October 30th, 2023 Join us at 9:00am Friday, October 17th, for our continuing discussion about Emotionally Focused Therapy. It’s a week earlier in November because the last Friday of the month falls the day after Thanksgiving. We’ll be continuing with Stage 1, highlighting Step 4. I’ll send the link in the November 13th newsletter.

The Essential Skills For Being Human. by David Brooks on October 30th, 2023 There are some crossover skills between journalism and therapy. New York Times columnist David Brooks discovered this as well, and just published “How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen.” This essay lays out his premise and is well worth reading. 92% Of American Adults Say They Prefer To Date People Who’ve Been To Therapy, Survey Shows by Renée Onque on October 30th, 2023 Seven in 10 singles are comfortable discussing mental health with someone new, according to a recent survey. 50% responded that it is attractive if therapy is brought up in conversation during a first date. Arianna Huffington Has Battled Back From The Brink Of Exhaustion To Give You These 7 Rules To Live By. by Christine Lorengo-Chafkin on October 30th, 2023 The founder of Huffington Post and Thrive is on a mission to squelch the worldwide burnout epidemic - starting with upending the way we work.

The Troubled Teen Industry Offers Trauma, Not Therapy. by Maia Szalavitz on October 30th, 2023 This New York Times Opinion column examines the hundreds of thousands of young Americans who have endured harms or assaults in residential boot camps, wilderness therapy and Christian and therapeutic boarding schools, which claim to vanquish teen psychological problems like drug misuse, depression and defiant behavior. More Men Are Taking Care Of Aging Parents. They Feel Unprepared. by Clare Ansberry on October 30th, 2023 Sons who are caregivers say they often feel unqualified, even on routine details like grocery shopping and making healthy meals. WSJ.com has the story. Even Short Runs Have Major Health Benefits. by Markham Heid on October 30th, 2023 Fall marathon season is upon us! New York City, Chicago and Washington DC all have major races over the next few weekends. This seems like a great time to remind you that running a mile or two a few times a week can help you live longer and reduce your risk of disease. Don’t just take my word for it… read all about it here.

Got something you’d like to share for an upcoming newsletter? Send it to chris@ohioeft.com

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